Apples and oranges

Family pic

Abby Jones and Daisy

Ruth Michael

Abby Jones

Iddy and Ruth Michael

Iddy and Ruth Michael

Braylen and Ruth Michael

“Where are we going to live tonight?”

This is the question my 2-year-old asked me one day in the middle of our 3 month long journey into the life of a wanderer. We have spent the months of October, November, and December constantly on the go. The longest time we have been in one place is a week, and most of our stays are more like 3 or 4 days. I won’t pretend that it has been easy on me, because it hasn’t. I have had numerous breakdowns... one after we went to a mall, and I felt overwhelmed by the abundance around me. I felt like there were neon flashing signs above us that said “Missionaries.” Okay, so we will run to Target and get new clothes that look more like what everyone is wearing. That should help, right? It does, but I still feel like we are 5 apples in a sea of oranges.

There was a time we went to a coffee shop with Ruth-Michael wearing two different shoes. I’m not sure how this happened, but it did, and it resulted in a sweet lady we met at the coffee shop bringing us over a bag of clothes and shoes. I find myself continually oscillating between feelings of overwhelming gratitude and feelings of unworthiness. Between feelings of humility and humiliation. I go up to an ice cream stand and forget how to order ice cream. Is it by the scoop or by the size of cup? Do I want waffle, sugar, or plain cone? Do I want a topping? Do I want it as a shake? For some reason I’m forgetting how to pay. Do I give you the card or do it myself? Do I swipe the card or stick it in the card reader... and then do I pull it right back out or just leave it in? Are the people piling up in the line behind me getting annoyed? Who knows, they’re all looking at their phones.

I so often find myself in a world that I neither understand nor know how to connect with. And, by the way, I’m supposed to be homeschooling my kindergarten daughter who is, annoyingly, just like me. Somehow, the things she knows, she learned from her teachers at school, and the things she doesn’t know, I haven’t taught her yet. When will I get a little shout out from her about something I have taught her? Well, I suppose it’s hard to learn when we’re doing school in the car half the time and the other half I’m juggling her and her two-year-old sister who wants to “do school, too.”

In spite of these difficulties, we have had some incredibly special times during these travels as well. Our kids got to see their first “big snow” during an unseasonably early snow in December while we were in Tennessee. We even got to try to sled using an air mattress. It didn’t work very well, but I’m guessing our kids won’t forget that. We have crammed 2 years worth of family time and hanging out with friends into 3 months. There were times that I had to glue a smile on my face and tell myself through clenched teeth how much fun I was having. But truthfully, there were so many more times that I was just happy to be with people that I love so much. I was with my best friends from college when Ruth-Michael’s first tooth came out. I was with dear friends and my mom when Abby-Jones turned 3. Iddy got to go on his first youth group trip. We got to go to our friends’ housewarming party, and our friends’ basketball games, and Trunk-or-Treat. As far as our kids can remember, this was their first Thanksgiving with my family, and will be their first Christmas with Chris’s family. I got to hear my husband speak in front of an audience and one-on-one about the cause he is more passionate about than anything else, and I have seen my own sweet husband and children love on each other, rely on each other, and encourage each other. I have found spiritual encouragement from one-on-one conversations and worshipping in church with my Christian family. I have been revived by community.

So am I exhausted? Yes. Am I ready to turn in my suitcases? Yes. Am I tired of Chick-fil-a? Yes (gasp). But was it all worth it? Without a doubt.